Could it be that we’re destined to be a family of 3?

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Could it be that we’re destined to be a family of 3?
Could it be that we’re destined to be a family of 3?

Writing about this is some kind of therapy for me, because I don’t feel like I can talk about this to many people…if anyone. I’ve got friends with kids and I’ve got friends who don’t have kids. The latter party certainly can’t understand but of all of my friends with kids, very few my age have just 1 child. If they do, they talk about adding to their families sooner rather than later. Can I be honest? I don’t know if I want more children. This is a scary declaration to make because I don’t want my daughter to be the only child. I have visions of her growing up and enjoying life and experiences with her sibling(s). Part of me doesn’t feel like we are done growing this family but then there’s another part of me that is terrified about having another child.

The reasons may seem trivial, selfish even. While many mothers see more children as added little blessings that bring light into their lives, my first thought of adding another child to our family is “Sheesh…how can we afford it?” Following that is a slew of fears like not being able to sleep again, potentially going through another painful pregnancy, fighting to lose weight and then finding time to work out and then wondering how my passions will be affected by another little being. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to be the mom that can drop everything to raise her kids. But I’ve tried that and I’m not that mom. I am me first and then a mother. Motherhood does not define me and I’ve worked hard to feel comfortable about being a working mom and a hands-on mom. It took 2 years but I’m in a rhythm and a groove and I feel good. Yet, I feel this pressure. If we do add more children, I never wanted the age gap to be too close nor did I want to stretch it out to 5+ years. But here I am with a 2-year old and no desire for another baby. I’ve held newborns and felt no pangs of envy or lust. How is this even possible? I don’t miss the newborn stage. My husband feels the same way.

Could it be that we’re destined to be a family of 3? Will I feel sad about this down the line? These questions swarm my head space more than I’d like it too and really they’re rhetorical questions but I’m wondering if other parents go through these thoughts. Am I seriously too selfish to once again give up my body, time and passions for raising another child?

43 COMMENTS

  1. Yes. This. My LO is 10 months old and it feels like this whole time people have asked if we’ll want another one. We just got this one! I worry about more lack of sleep, and honestly my ability to give 2 kids the attention they each deserve. It’s very hard to explain this to people who have more than one child.

  2. Thank you for this! My only is four, and while at one time we thought we’d have another, it just wasn’t happening for us. Then we hit a point with him where he became enough. There are days when I think it’d be nice for him to have a sibling, but I honestly think I’d go crazy if we had another child.

  3. Being true to yourself is more important than anyone else’s opinions. Sadly I know mom’s like this with multiple kids, those kids don’t get the attention they deserve. Not to say you wouldn’t be a great mom to multiple kids but you just have to follow your heart!

  4. Brittany, I loved this post and I completely relate. My husband and I ARE destined to be a family of 3. We chose it, we decided on it, we love it, and we feel it is truly what we were meant for. You will never escape the comments. If you have a second and it turns out to be another girl, there will be comments about “trying for a boy.” It is never-ending! No one else has to deal with the stress, choices, and finances of welcoming that second child of yours. YOU, and only you, will have to deal with it, so it should be your choice alone without any outside influence. You rock this only-child life and you show them that only-child mamas can be just as happy. :*

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