This is our fourth and final chat, mama. You’re confident your kids will stay afloat; you know how to plan this on the cheap during a school week; and you know you’re going to gain weight. But, maybe it’s still so…not you. And to that I say,
PERFECT! That’s right where I want you!
The wonder of cruising is that this tiny world, the length of 3 football fields, is going to contain the whole of your experience. You can’t use your time paying bills or making phone calls. You can’t do you. You are going to eat, sleep, and play on this floating microcosm for several days. There is nothing but time to spend, and a hundred ways to spend it – without any advanced planning or commute.
In Orlando, it can take me 45 minutes to get home from my office, which is 8.7 miles from my house. Dinner’s at least 15 minutes in the car each way. And we all know the dreaded car loop can suck an hour out of your life on a good day. But on a cruise, the commute is never more than a 3 minute walk and an elevator ride. You look at your watch at 3:10 and think to yourself,
Self, I want learn the moves to “All the Single Ladies” at 3:15 in the lounge. I’d like to play bingo in the big theater at 4:00. I’d easily win 80’s trivia in the piano bar at 4:15. And I have to pass as “formal” for dinner by 5! Can I manage all of that in under 2 hours?
Heck yeah, you can. GO! You can probably pull all that off before the kids are out of the pool and your other half is done with the ping pong tournament on the lido deck. That’s the cruise ship time warp.
Unless this guy’s playing.
There really is something for everyone on a cruise. If you love art, shuffleboard, blackjack or chess, they’ve got that! Sit in the library with a nice red. Toss back tequila shots in the hot tub. Sit up front where the wind is strong late at night and stare at the stars. Work out, because you always do, or maybe because you never do! Learn a new dance, sing karaoke, hit the casino, get your teeth whitened, or enter the hairy chest competition.
Wait…this is a moms blog. Get a massage instead of that last one.
Perhaps just the change of venue will turn the ordinary into something magical. If you are the planning or Pinterest type, make that part of your cruise experience! Disney in particular – as locals have come to expect – has a whole sub-culture of cruisers. As soon as you book your Disney Cruise, you need to Google “fish extenders” and find the forum for people booked on the same sailing. You create holders to hang on your door in which other participating passengers can place goodies and surprises. You do the same for them. It’s like a massive Secret Santa project on your cruise! There is also a geocache on Castaway Cay. We love this hobby for low cost fun around Central Florida, and this is the farthest one from home we’ve found!
The most important cruising tip of all is to try something new. Eat termites (I did it in the jungle of Belize…they taste minty). Swear off Spanx (I promised myself I wouldn’t suck my tummy in even once all week). Go braless (for one cruise, I literally didn’t pack one). Whatever your comfort zone is, GET THE HECK OUT OF IT! You are never going to see these people again in your whole life! So do the Wobble, sing karaoke, rock that two-piece, and do it all without a care in the world. What happens on the waves, stays on the waves. Now why are you still reading – go book a cruise already!
