I have been asking myself this question since my sweet baby boy became a rambunctious toddler. It is literally a daily conversation/argument in my head. Is my boy to remain an only child?

Is one enough?

I like to think that I am a completely rational woman who makes logical decisions after appropriate contemplation and research. But, this decision…this is a huge decision! This is a life changing decision for not just my husband and me, but also for my son.

Is one enough?

I feel like my husband and I have this whole baby thing down now. Our little guy sleeps through the night, and he is able to converse enough to tell us what he wants…most of the time. I know we are on the eve of the terrible twos (which is like waiting for the ghost to jump out of the closet while the scary music is playing in the background), but I feel like together my husband and I can handle it.

Having another child would make things more complicated, right?

With two children, you are no longer two on one, you are playing man-to-man defense. How do I make this decision? I have a perfect, healthy 22 month old son and I feel blessed.  How could I ever ask for another perfect and healthy baby? I have already been given so much. You see, I am an old momma. I am racing against the time clock (unfortunately, 40 is not the new 30 when it comes to your ovaries). I need to make a decision soon.

In my quest to find my right answer, I have researched the significance of the only child syndrome and the advantages/disadvantages of siblings. I have read about the effects of birth order on future success. I have come up with a pros and cons list. My cons list is slightly longer than my pros list, which if I was making a completely logical decision, I would be led to believe that one child should be enough for me. Yet, when I consider the feeling of finality of an only child, I get sad, like I am missing something. This emotional tug at my heart leads to more confusion.


Which prompted me to ask of experience. I have consulted numerous friends with multiple children and several friends who are parents to an only child. To my friends with multiple children I ask: Why did you choose to have more children? Would you do it again knowing what you know now? To my friends with only children I ask: Why did you choose to stop at one? In a perfect world, would you have had another child? Believe it or not, I have received similar answers to all four questions. All of the answers are absolutely valid and make logical and emotional sense, but their answers have not drawn me any closer to my own decision.  

What I have learned is something to be treasured. The quest for my correct answer has offered a glimpse into the beautiful stories that ultimately result in the formation of a family. I have come to understand that family looks different for many people and that is what makes it all work. While I am still undecided, I now know that no matter what my husband and I decide, we will still have a beautiful family that is just right for us.

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  1. Thank you for this wonderful perspective! I too have been struggling with this question. My daughter is 4 and I have only recently been able to realize that whether or not we have another child our family is beautiful now and always will be.
    Maybe I’m not researching enough but I feel like there is very little out there able this struggle. So many blogs/articles I have read seem to suggest that most women feel “someone is missing from their family”. I have never felt this. It was so nice to read a perspective that so closely mirrored my own emotions with this question. Thank you!!!

  2. My son is 16 months old and I have been contemplating this question since he turned 1. I really appreciate your perspective. All my friends have 2, 3 and even 4 kids and the thought of more in our home makes me dizzy. I am not in a race to decide but it weighs on me heavily as my husband has always wanted three kids. Maybe in another year I will have that desire to be pregnant again but I loved your article and it’s refreshing to see that I’m
    Not the only one going through this struggle.

  3. I am so honored to know you as a family member! Your article was thoughtfully written. Whatever you both choose to do will be a true Blessing! The three of you are a complete family!


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