I Hated Being Pregnant

Let’s face it, pregnancy is not all glowing skin, eating whatever you want and treasuring every moment you have being a baby incubator. Its tough, its tiring, it wrecks havoc on your body. It may be one of the most beautiful abilities as a woman, but it is also one of the most trying ones too. I’ve always wondered so many things about happy pregnant women. How do some women have such stress free pregnancies and enjoy every single moment? How does it all come so easy with minimal weight gain, blemish free skin and late night binges? Why do they love being pregnant so much?

Because I hated being pregnant. My body hated being pregnant. I never felt as though I was glowing and radiant.

I’ve had three pregnancies which were all trying in their own ways. Each pregnancy was tougher than the last. My first, which was 23 years ago, should have been easy. I was young and healthy, yet labeled high risk. I was hospitalized at 7 months with high fevers and went into labor multiple times. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital not eating and being monitored all day and night. Apparently being pregnant I was susceptible to kidney and urinary infections. For the next two months I had contractions every day and never felt well. I delivered 2 weeks early, but my son had no complications. After all the emotional stress I went through those last 2 months and the physical toll it took on me, I vowed to not have any more children. I hated everything that he and I went through.

Fast forward 18 years. I was now happily married and ready to have another child. After a tough time conceiving and consulting with a fertility doctor we became pregnant. And by we, I mean me. I was sick for the entire pregnancy, all day every day. I developed gestational diabetes and was put on a special diet and pills. Again I developed a urinary infection and was hospitalized. I was miserable all the time. I delivered 4 weeks early and my baby ended up in the NICU. The whole ordeal, up until the day we were able to take him home was miserable. And I hated it.

For some reason we decided to have one more child together. I thought it would be easier, but it wasn’t. I developed gestational diabetes much earlier and much, much worse. I was put on insulin injections and had to test my sugar 6 times a day. I never felt well. My sugar would fluctuate so much some days I would black out. I never felt safe being alone. It got to the point where the only time I left the house was to go to the doctors. Which, by 7 months, was 3 to 4 times a week. My baby decided to stay breech, her head stuck under my ribs. At 35 weeks we found my amniotic fluid was diminishing and at 36 weeks had an emergency c-section. My daughter was also admitted to the NICU. I hated this pregnancy so much, it was to be my last.

Through all 3 pregnancies I endured, I did all that I was supposed to do, I behaved. But, my body didn’t like being pregnant. I learned that it is OK to not enjoy being pregnant and to in fact hate it. That it didn’t make me less of a mother. That I would be rewarded for all my troubles. Rewarded with awesome little human beings that I live for every day. I definitely don’t hate that.