Motherhood is a beautiful and consuming season of life. As moms, our days revolve around meeting our kids’ needs — feeding, dressing, teaching, disciplining, cheering on, chauffeuring, and just loving these little turd blossoms — I mean adorably cute little ones. I love my mom era, but it can also be really intense and isolating. In the midst of this all-encompassing parenting journey, our friendships with other adults often get placed on the back burner.
But we need these lifelong friendships, maybe more than we realize. Our kids will eventually grow up and start their own lives. It’s important to remember that our children aren’t our be-all, end-all and they’re not our friends. And while we love our partners, they’re also not our only lifeline in being an adult. Our friendships with others, specifically other moms, are one of the most important relationships in our lives.
Once the kids leave, we’re left with only ourselves — and hopefully, the friendships we fostered along the way. Because once the noisy chaos and activity we were used to disappear, our lifelong friendships as a mom are all we’re going to have left.
This transition will happen whether we prepare for it or not. But we do have a say in how we approach it. We can make an effort now to nurture lifelong friendships — the kind that provides comfort, laughter, wisdom, and support for the long haul.
We need balance
Parenting requires so much mental energy. Making time for friends outside the home gives us perspective. It reminds us that diaper changes and science fair projects, while important, aren’t the whole of life. Friends let us unplug and recharge.
And this is one of the hardest things for us to remember since we can get so caught up in the daily humdrum of mom life. When a friend invites you to coffee, go out with her. Even a 30-minute phone call is better than nothing at all. Balance is KEY!
Friends know us deeply
Being “mom” is central, but only one facet of who we are. With lifelong friends, we can share things totally unrelated to parenting. We can be silly, vulnerable, thoughtful, quirky — our whole selves. Friends accept every version of us.
There is a whole side of us that goes unexplored when we’re with our kids and partners. Friends know us on different levels as moms, as a smutty bibliophile, as a pastry chef, as a writer, as an artist, etc. They know us and accept us because they’re also multifaceted and have other likes. It’s important to explore yourself outside of your kids, and lifelong friendships allow that to happen.
Friends nourish our spirits
Laughing, crying, dreaming, venting — friendships feed our souls. A walk and real talk with a girlfriend lifts our mood instantly. Those positive vibes stay with us long after we say goodbye.
And while it’d be better for it to be in person, just a phone call is enough to help lift our spirits. Friends allow us to talk freely with no judgment, with no fear that they’re going to absorb our mood. They allow us to be free, even for just 30 minutes.
Friends preserve our identity
It’s easy to lose ourselves in the mom role, especially if you have more than one kid. From
chauffeuring them around all day to being the family knowledge keeper about all their things and all the dates. Also the cook, the maid, the doctor, the psychologist. We play so many different roles in a day, it’s no wonder so many of us forget to shower or pee!
But friends connect us to our personal histories and interests. Some friends have known us since we were kids and pull us to a time that was simpler, a time that held our dreams and desires for the future. And some friends, the friends who we’ve met as mom or at work, know us outside of having kids around us all day. Having heard us give presentations, or have seen us outside of car-line, can help pull us back to our sailor-talking selves.
Friends offer continuity
One day the house will be quiet. As we adjust to the empty nest, long-term friends provide continuity. They’ll still be there for coffee catch-ups and girls’ nights.
And after the kids are all gone, we’re going to need that more than ever because empty-nesting is no joke. And the only way out of it is with a good friend and a good bottle of wine.
Friends are our safety net
The truth is, the future is unpredictable. We can never predict with absolute certainty that everything will end up “perfect”. Marriages can fall apart either because of divorce or illness, kids can fall sick or go through hardships beyond our capabilities of helping, and we could fall ill in some way or another. The lifelong friendships you forge will be your safety net.
At the end of the day, the friendships we nurture now will always be there and turn into lifelong friendships. I know it seems difficult, but these friendships demand as much of our attention as our kids, partners, and families. They deserve the time and dedication on your busy calendar.
When the kids grow up and move out, these soul-filling bonds with friends will be there to lean on. Start nurturing those relationships now. Your future self will thank you.
